Boundaries please!

Setting boundaries is something that is very important. You might put others before you. Finding it hard to say no, giving in to make others happy is what you may take part in. You may believe that others might think of you as “selfish” or “self-centred” just because you refused something. You might not share how you feel so that their happiness isn’t compromised. Having to listen to other people venting even though you have no strength left to listen and having to solve problems even though it does not involve you in any way, because it felt harsh to refuse. This can drain you sooner than later and lead to a lot of resentment bubbling inside of you.

Boundaries refer to setting limits to build a healthy relationship. In my friends case, suddenly people were starting to share a lot of problems with her. Trying to listen attentively and offering comfort and advice, she worked her way through. Slowly she felt burdened with it but couldn’t ask them to stop because it would feel “rude”. Too much venting led to accumulation of a lot of negative energy which led to her feeling down. She could not create a “boundary” between her and others leading to her feelings being bottled up and making her feel bad.She felt self-centred to refuse to talk but slowly she tried to distance herself a bit to make herself feel okay again.

It is absolutely okay to set boundaries. It is okay to not always pick up the phone and instead reply saying you’ll call later. It’s okay to reject something if you are not comfortable with it. It’s okay to take a break and not always be ready to be a helper. It’s okay to vocalise your feelings and what concerns you. It’s okay to put yourself first. Sometimes you need rest too, to get back on your feet.

Respecting others boundaries is needed if you want others to respect your boundaries.
A healthy relationship requires boundaries. Telling your friend that you aren’t comfortable with what they did or telling them how they hurt you is needed to sustain a relationship. Expressing your feelings and saying no is very important. Don’t feel “selfish” to put forward boundaries. You may even find out your true friends who love you for who you are instead of those who use you for your kindness.

Don’t be afraid of what others think. Do what you are comfortable with. It’s not always selfish to put yourself first!

Photo by Kevin Butz on Unsplash