Comparison of children: Discouragement

The behaviour and values that people uphold around the child can influence the child’s thinking.

Every single individual learns from observing his or her surroundings. Writing, washing hands before eating and thanking people are some examples.

If the child is in an environment where there is constant comparison, this could lead to a decrease in self- confidence and result in him or her feeling like a failure.

I have seen many cases where parents have compared their child to others. It is a pretty common occurrence where a child’s marks are being compared to those who excel. Instead of encouraging them to do better, parents use harsh words and make them feel inadequate.

This may lead to the child losing confidence and they may engage in negative thinking such as believing they are a failure and that their best isn’t enough.

Discouraging an activity that the child takes interest in (unless it’s harmful for them) may also make them secretive and they may not take up initiatives to start up new activities. If they are made to feel as if the games they play or the questions they ask are stupid, they will feel guilty life-long. They may hesitate to ask questions or express what they like

Giving answers such as “because I am your parent” when asked by the child why they should do a particular thing is the worst thing you could do. Having strict rules and not listening to your child’s point of view would only lead for her or him to distance themselves from you. They become secretive and may engage in risky behaviour.

Thus, being more open and encouraging your child makes them open up their hearts more to the parents. They perceive the parents as someone they can confide in. Trying to put yourself in the shoes of the child also makes it easier to understand the child.

I had heard a mom ask for forgiveness from her son for all the things she had done wrong. She had added “Please forgive me, after all, this is my first time being a mother.” This stuck with me and gave me a new perspective. I would like to share this with all the kids who struggle with having a good relationship with their parents so that they could understand their parents a bit more.

It is necessary to take a look at your wrong doings and reflect before it gets too late!

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash